I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
