At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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