All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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