I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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