I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
COCAINE IS GR8
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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