I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
