Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
