Can i not drive my cunt home
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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