Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i out mim tonsoeep
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