Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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