I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Two words: blizzard sex
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize