just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
