I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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