You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
