I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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