i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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