you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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