so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
