The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
