He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Vodka?
Forever.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
