i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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