OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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