i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
