therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
