i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
