It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
