thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Will exercising make me less horny?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
