I understand Curling. That high.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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