Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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