You're so nebulous sometimes
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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