How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dick very happy bro
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
