there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Randomize
