i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You made out with two different species that night
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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