my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
