ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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