So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
