so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
