New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
