I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
