just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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