there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
