i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
