Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
