Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
