Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
