is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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