then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
