No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
