Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
