I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
