just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
