So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
