About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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